How the Assessment Works
This assessment is a self-reflection tool informed by attachment research. It is not a medical or psychological diagnosis, it is not therapy, and it is not a substitute for professional support. Only a qualified professional who knows your full situation can assess your mental health. If you are struggling, please consider talking to a licensed professional.
The attachment quiz is a self-reflection assessment informed by attachment research. Here is exactly what it asks, how it scores, and what it can't tell you.
What it measures
Researchers who study adult attachment describe it with two dimensions. Attachment anxiety is how strongly you react to distance in a relationship — the worry about being left, and the urge to close the gap. Attachment avoidance is how uncomfortable you are with closeness — the pull to keep space and handle things alone.
The assessment scores you on both, separately. Your pattern comes from where the two scores land, which is why there are 4 patterns and not one scale.
The questions
- 44 questions in all, one per screen, in four parts: about you, about her, since the breakup, and where you are now.
- 24 questions about you, which give your scores: 12 for attachment anxiety and 12 for attachment avoidance.
- Each one describes something you did, in a specific situation, in your last relationship or now — an unanswered message, an argument, a partner asking for closeness or for space. Not how you'd describe yourself.
- 4 of the questions about you are worded the other way round (2 per dimension), so agreeing means lower, not higher. That catches answering on autopilot.
- 12 questions about how she showed up in the same relationship, 6 for each of the same two dimensions. They're scored the same way and give the pattern you experienced from her. They don't change your scores.
- 6 questions about what she's done since the breakup. They aren't scored: each one you answer "Sometimes" or more adds a section to your result about what that can mean.
- 2 optional context questions at the end — how long ago the breakup was, and whether you're in no contact. These don't change your scores — they help us show you the right next step.
- The questions are original to this site. They aren't copied from any published questionnaire or from any other quiz.
How you answer
Every question about you uses the same five-point scale:
- Never like me
- Rarely
- Sometimes
- Often
- Almost always like me
The questions about her and about what's happened since use the same scale without "like me": Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Almost always.
How it scores
- Each answer scores 0 to 4. For the reversed questions, the score is flipped.
- The scores for each dimension are added up and converted to a number from 0 to 100.
- Each number falls into a band: low (0–33), moderate (34–66) or high (67–100).
- The two bands together give your pattern, as in the table below.
- If your pattern is secure but one or both scores are moderate, your result names the lean — the pattern most likely to show up under stress.
| Anxiety by row, avoidance by column | low | moderate | high |
|---|---|---|---|
| low | Secure | Secure | Avoidant |
| moderate | Secure | Secure | Avoidant |
| high | Anxious | Anxious | Fearful-avoidant |
Same answers, same result
- Scoring is a fixed calculation. The same answers always give the same result — no randomness, and no difference by time of day or where you came from.
- The score is calculated in your browser. Your answers are never sent to us.
- A shared result link carries your two scores and the quiz version — never your answers.
- The full result is free. There's nothing to unlock.
What it can't tell you
It's not a clinical instrument. It describes how you've tended to act in relationships, based on your own answers, at one point in time. It can't account for everything that shaped a relationship.
The quiz also asks how your partner showed up in the same relationship. Those answers describe the pattern you experienced — they can't label her, and only she could describe her own pattern. We show that read because understanding the dynamic you were in is part of understanding the breakup.
Patterns aren't permanent. Stress shifts them, and so do time and experience. If you take it again in a few months, a different result can be real progress, not a mistake.
Where the ideas come from
The two dimensions come from decades of adult attachment research. If you want to read further, the books most people start with are Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum.